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How can a Nigerian get a total free US virtual office (free phone number and address)? Please help.?

I need a tutorial. Please, brothers and sisters through out the world should please help. I will be eternally grateful. This is seriously needed so that I will be able to make all my legal transactions on the net. Thanks in anticipation.

Public Comments

1. Contact the Nigerian government. By the way, Nigeria is known as the #1 internet scam nation in the world. So talking about all your 'legal transactions' kind of makes me laugh. I know I'm not going to be a customer - don't worry about that. How in the world do you have a computer and internet access anyways? You must be one rich Nigerian.