Voicemail

Advice on how to maintain a friendship with someone that has depression?

I have a friend of mine that lives a few hours away. We have always been "long-distance friends" and I know her through people I went to high school with. At one point I would drive out there quite a bit and we seemed to see each other at least every other month. The relationships with all of the people in the group has dwindled because of people moving away and whatnot. The last time I saw this particular friend was last September. She and her husband had spent the night and the next day a group of us were going to the beach. One minute we were laughing and having fun, the next minute she threw herself down on the floor and refused to speak to anyone. She left our house abruptly, then came back in and said she needed to go home to work on school work. A few weeks later I attended a good-bye party for someone in our group. Another friend called and texted her and her hubby to get to the party soon because I was leaving. I heard later that she arrived within minutes of me leaving the party to go home. The next day I texted her husband (whom I am also close with) and then again a few weeks later on her birhtday. Since she doesn't have a cell phone, that was the only way to reach her. Usually he responds back, but he stopped responding to my texts. I think I did try to call her house line, but she didn't call back. After hearing from mutual friends that she was driving all the way out near where I lived to visit other friends, but ignorning my atttempts at communication, I finally emailed her to ask if she was upset. I finally received some emails explaining that she is severely depressed and didn't feel like talking to anyone and just kind of needed space. She claimed it wasn't personal and that she may take for granted the fact that she can not see friends for awhile but still pick up where she left off and have a blast. At this point in the timeline she had canceled her phone, internet, quit her job and school. In March I think, I received another email saying she was feeling a little better and she gave me her cell number, but after being ignored for several months I just didn't want to feel the rejection of calling and feeling like I was bugging her. She also wanted to plan a group camping trip for April, but I told her I wanted to wait until after school got out because the weekends are my study time. I just got a voicemail from her last night asking if I want to go on a big hike later this summer. I am not sure if I am looking at this fairly, considering we are "long distance friends", but I just really don't like being ignored all year and then expected to pick back up like nothing happened. I understand she was depressed, and I have been there too. I guess I just have a hard time understanding why you would push people away who care about you. I don't want to be a "fair weather friend". It's not about her being depressed, it's more that I felt she was being a little selfish and I just don't know if I have the energy to be in a one-sided friendshipl. I don't want to be too needy, but I think I am just not one of those people who can go for almost a year without talking and then, boom! Let's spend a whole weekend climbing a mountain together. On the other hand, it does seem like she is making some effort to stay in touch. I did send her an email back saying I need to get back to her because I injured my knee and can't do any big hikes until I go to the doctor (true). that works for now, but I am still feeling like this friendship is a waste of my energy and kind of hurting my feelings. Is this normal? Or is it a sign that it's time to move on?

Public Comments

1. I know it might sound harsh but listen sometimes it's better to just leave them alone and have them find the path themselves.